It’s seemed forever to me since my last post. I’m going through a very hard time right now and the transition phase I’m in looks like it will take several more months, but I thought I would share with my readers a little of what has been happening.
I finished my book and it was published in November, 2013. The work of it and the emotions of writing it left me in great need of rest and recovery. In writing the book, I at last gave myself full permission to start feeling my feelings about the horrific experiences I have gone through. In the midst of that, I found out my boyfriend had been lying to me and seeing another woman behind my back, likely from the very beginning of our relationship in fall of 2011. I threw him out of my life. It was like suddenly losing my best friend and lover, or at least a person I thought was that for me.
I was devastated. In addition, without the passion and work on the book drivng me any more, kind of creating a bubble in which I worked on the book, the effects of living in an apt that has been continually triggering my PTSD began to really take a huge toll on my health. I don’t sleep well here, have not for many years since with the continual slamming my nervous system never gets a chance to calm down. The downstairs neighbor continually slams her front door so the floor shakes under my feet and it also knocks the pictures crooked on the walls. She also slams and bangs her interior doors and cabinets – it’s like she never learned to simply shut things in her life, but only slam and bang.
I am in the process of trying to move out of here at last, but there are financial restrictions on what I can have that are making this a long drawn out kind of torture, waiting-waiting-waiting for the right thing to come along. I have not been able to work or write or do any of the other things I might be able to do in a place that gives me enough peace to think clearly. I’m just in a waiting mode, waiting for the right place to come along that will give me a new start. Life has ground completely to a halt where I am living. There are more difficulties going on in my life right now besides these, but hopefully it’s not necessary to give an entire laundry list. Suffice it to say that right now, with all the problems that have been thrown my way this past year, continuing to today, I feel completely bound and – mostly, except for this post today – gagged. So, being sleep deprived, PTSD constantly triggered and being being a nervous wreck is taking a terrible toll. I also deal with daily chronic pain.
I have a lot of plans and ideas for more writing, and more work I would like to offer the world, but with this impending move, my life is in boxes right now while hoping the right home will appear soon… I am in a waiting mode, living, at least for now, an existence where I can’t really move forward in any meaningful way. The one bright spot in my life is my new dog. She has helped me enough to get to the place that I can even write this post.
To this end, since I’m not able to do any work to generate a little more badly needed income right now, I am placing a “Donate” link on my websites. If you can give, and feel in your heart you would like to give something, any amount would be welcome. Thank you in advance from my heart to yours.
Someday, I will resurface with more information, more teaching and more to offer this world I live in, which is my heartfelt desire. Many, many blessings to you my friends and followers who may help in advance.
I know how you feel, Niara. I barely came out of a deep dark hole myself, but at least I’m not stuck in waiting. Blessings while you “wait without knowing” – what a challenge!
I too am in transition. I think it’s about patience for me. and Faith in the Greater Good. Keep on keepin on is my motto. Remaining in faith is very difficult I find but as time goes along there are doors opening finally. Love and Peace to you and lil pup. I have two dogs who make my world a happier and funner world.